Maybe not

Well, my fabulous husband's doctor's appointment did not go well. I mentioned his back last time, but it turns out his knee, which has been bothering him periodically, is our big problem. "Osteoarthritis," says the doctor who had previously said, "not arthritis." We really weren't expecting that one. It goes away with stretching, he's been running on it without pain until we increased a bit, and he's not at all old!

Basically the doctor said that running was history for Joe. We're getting clarification on that, but it's still unnerving. I know that no running for Joe does not mean no running for me, but I can't help but feel like it is. Joe and I run together. We exercise together. It's part of who we are and we we've become as a couple. It's been a fabulous experience to go from being two over sized nacho eaters to two lean mean running energetic machines. It's really part of how I think of us as a couple.

Joe broke the news to me yesterday and I really felt like I was going to cry...actually I was on the verge of tears for a few hours. My office is kind of like a fish bowl, so almost crying is especially awkward. I was sad for Joe, I was sad for us, and I was sad for me. I felt ridiculous as I sat blinking back tears and asked myself, "What the hell Kerry?" Then I remembered the psychological reactions to injuries section of one of my classes. It was clear why I was freaking out. Characteristics that mediate how people respond to injury are: severity, onset, course, type, history, perceived recovery, and identity.

Here's why I was/am a mess:

• Severity-The doctor said this was permanent/incurable.
• Course-This injury has been here and then not so it never seemed like a big deal.
• Perceived recovery- See #1.
• Identity-As you can see, I derive a lot of identity from this aspect of our lives. The hopes of finishing a marathon just added to it.

Right now we're following up with the doctor to if there is a more certain way to diagnose this. We're not giving it up for a misdiagnosis! We're also looking for ways to improve the knee and maybe make running possible. I'm still holding out hope. I suppose if that doesn't work out, I'll need to work on redefining myself. Hmm...I really liked where I was going.

Marathon?

It's been ages since I last posted. Things have been pretty busy in my world, or at least pretty busy in terms of head space occupied. While I love the degree that I just finished earning, I don't think that it is going to take me anywhere. That makes me sad, but once I came to terms with it I launched into a new set of thoughts. I realized that I hate sitting behind a computer all day doing work that may benefit people, but never seeing those results. I will wither quickly if I stick with it, so I need a change of course. Now I'm thinking of pursuing my teaching license for elementary and middle school. I'm not sure what I'd teach yet. I'll let you know when I figure that out.

I'm not sure how this blog plays into that change. It may simply mean that I'll be more focused on the Miscellany and on myself than broader motivation. If I think of anything to talk about in terms of motivation in general, I might....just for the heck of it. This means I'll be using it as more of a "me" blog. My husband and I have a "we" blog so this will be different from that. If you want to check it out, you can. It's www.adventuresofwe.blogspot.com.

So what's this about a marathon you say? Well, Joe and I are pondering a marathon again. We started training for one last year and between Joe's bum knee, and my crappy hip and foot, we didn't make it very far. We certainly learned some good lessons in the meantime. Now we're armed with shoes especially for us, a lot more knowledge, and lots of physical therapy exercises. Hopefully we'll be more successful this time. We have one more hoop to jump through before we really commit though. Joe has to go to the Dr. to get approved to run. Apparently his back is broken (don't worry; it was that way for years and they only noticed when they did an x ray for another minor issue). His quack of a Dr. in AK told him he should never run. We haven't followed those instructions very well because he was such a quack, but we figured that he might not be wrong about everything and it might be worth a second opinion before we really increase our mileage.

All in all though, we're excited. I'm more excited for our runs because they may actually lead to something and they are more challenging. Ooh-there's some motivation for you. Goal setting and optimal challenge! I love learning the extent of my capabilities and exceeding my own expectations. I hope I keep loving it! The other part that thrills me, oddly enough, is that there's lots of research to be done. What do I need to know? How should I fuel? Everyone talks about carbohydrates. Do they mean whole grains or not? I usually eat whole grains and think of white flour as the same thing as sugar. Am I wrong here? You get the idea. I like answering an answerable question. It's the unanswerable ones that bother me.

I'll keep updating on how we progress, or don't!