Maybe not

Well, my fabulous husband's doctor's appointment did not go well. I mentioned his back last time, but it turns out his knee, which has been bothering him periodically, is our big problem. "Osteoarthritis," says the doctor who had previously said, "not arthritis." We really weren't expecting that one. It goes away with stretching, he's been running on it without pain until we increased a bit, and he's not at all old!

Basically the doctor said that running was history for Joe. We're getting clarification on that, but it's still unnerving. I know that no running for Joe does not mean no running for me, but I can't help but feel like it is. Joe and I run together. We exercise together. It's part of who we are and we we've become as a couple. It's been a fabulous experience to go from being two over sized nacho eaters to two lean mean running energetic machines. It's really part of how I think of us as a couple.

Joe broke the news to me yesterday and I really felt like I was going to cry...actually I was on the verge of tears for a few hours. My office is kind of like a fish bowl, so almost crying is especially awkward. I was sad for Joe, I was sad for us, and I was sad for me. I felt ridiculous as I sat blinking back tears and asked myself, "What the hell Kerry?" Then I remembered the psychological reactions to injuries section of one of my classes. It was clear why I was freaking out. Characteristics that mediate how people respond to injury are: severity, onset, course, type, history, perceived recovery, and identity.

Here's why I was/am a mess:

• Severity-The doctor said this was permanent/incurable.
• Course-This injury has been here and then not so it never seemed like a big deal.
• Perceived recovery- See #1.
• Identity-As you can see, I derive a lot of identity from this aspect of our lives. The hopes of finishing a marathon just added to it.

Right now we're following up with the doctor to if there is a more certain way to diagnose this. We're not giving it up for a misdiagnosis! We're also looking for ways to improve the knee and maybe make running possible. I'm still holding out hope. I suppose if that doesn't work out, I'll need to work on redefining myself. Hmm...I really liked where I was going.